DOMAINS OF DELIGHT
SELF LOVE
Self-love is the freedom to recognize, understand, value, love and care for yourself.
Individuals can make time to learn about what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body. They can express to others what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body. They are able to prioritize, care for and love themselves.
“… LET’S NOT FORGET OURSELVES, CARING FOR OUR OWN SELVES, BECAUSE THE OUTSIDE WORLD, NO MATTER HOW HARMFUL IT IS, WHEN YOU HAVE ROOTS, YOU ARE UNSHAKABLE.”
(Lee, Tanzania)
DOMAINS OF DELIGHT
01
SELF LOVE
Self-love is the freedom to recognize, understand, value, love and care for yourself.
Individuals can make time to learn about what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body. They can express to others what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body. They are able to prioritize, care for and love themselves.
“… LET’S NOT FORGET OURSELVES, CARING FOR OUR OWN SELVES, BECAUSE THE OUTSIDE WORLD, NO MATTER HOW HARMFUL IT IS, WHEN YOU HAVE ROOTS, YOU ARE UNSHAKABLE.”
(Lee, Tanzania)
INTRODUCTION ▸
Self Love
Self-love is the freedom to recognize, understand, value, love and care for yourself. It is making time to learn about and understand yourself, including what you enjoy and what you want, as well as what you don’t. It is also the freedom to love, value and enjoy your body.
For many of the people, especially women, self-love and self-care are acts of resistance against inequitable gender and sexual norms that devalue women and their needs, bodies, pleasures and desires.
Self-love is the freedom to recognize, understand, value, love and care for yourself. It is making time to learn about and understand yourself, including what you enjoy and what you want, as well as what you don’t. It is also the freedom to love, value and enjoy your body.
For many of the people, especially women, self-love and self-care are acts of resistance against inequitable gender and sexual norms that devalue women and their needs, bodies, pleasures and desires.
“I thought that if we didn’t do what the man wanted, it was wrong. Today I do what I want, when I feel like it.”
– “Vida”, Brazil
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IN PRACTICE?
What it looks like in practice?
Organizations and providers can:
- Design and deliver programmes that aim to raise self-esteem, for example:
- support participants to engage in activities such as asset mapping (identifying existing skills, strengths and talents), to tell their own stories and recognize and discuss the commonalities and differences in people’s experiences;
- critically reflect on the language we use with each other and how it could be more caring and affirmative.
- Create safe spaces using a ‘consciousness-raising approach’. This approach supports individuals and groups to identify gender, sexual and relationship norms and inequities at play in their lives and communities and imagine positive alternatives for themselves.
- Adopt an affirmative and inclusive approach that celebrates the diverse ways in which people can enjoy relationships, gender and sexuality (also see Relationship Joy).
- Provide information and access to resources about bodies, pleasure and self-pleasure.
- Ensure that programmes expand the understanding of self-love as something that may or may not involve sex, sexuality or romantic relationships. Encourage participants to define what it means to them, allowing a wide definition of self-love.
- For information, resources and ideas about how to make waves with Self-love, see the Pleasure Principle ‘Love yourself’ (link to: https://thepleasureproject.org/the-pleasure-principles/love-yourself/).
Participants are free to:
- Make time to learn about what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body.
- Learn about and understand their bodies and what gives them pleasure.
- Develop awareness of how inequitable gender norms affect their capacity for self-care and the extent to which they value themselves.
- Resist harmful and inequitable gender norms and imagine more equitable and joyous alternatives.
- Express to others what matters to them when it comes to sex, relationships, pleasure and the body.
- Have their choices, bodies, relationships and identities valued and respected by others.
- Prioritize, care for and love themselves.
Take a deep dive into Ana Autoestima
DELIGHT DIAGNOSTIC: ASSESS YOUR PROJECT OR ORGANIZATION
Assess your project or organization
We invite you to reflect on how your organization, project, or programme relates to the four levels of action that can help facilitate self love:
Increasing individual awareness and capabilities related to self-love or related topics such as happiness and pleasure;
Advocating for and strengthening policies and legal frameworks that uphold sexual and reproductive rights, gender equity and self-love;
Addressing social and cultural norms that influence the possibility of experiencing self-love;
Ensuring that resources—such as education, health services, housing, access to credit, as well as experiential support like having a voice, safety, and resilience—are available and accessible to influence the possibility of experiencing self-love.
These areas are facilitators rather than necessary components—people may still experience self love even in challenging contexts.
You can think of these areas as waves that strengthen each other and help create more supportive environments for self love.
Below are some prompts you can use to reflect on your work, how it supports the four levels of action, and how self love shows up in your mission, work, or outcomes—like ripples spreading through different areas.
Consider:
How is self-love reflected in your mission, content, or outcomes? Are there ways to make it more explicit or integrated? (all levels)
- As an organization/provider, what do you already do to encourage staff, service users, and volunteers to prioritize self-understanding and self-care? (individual awareness and capabilities)
- How do social or cultural norms influence the way self-love is practiced or valued among staff or participants? What could your organization do to positively shape these norms? (social and cultural norms)
- How could your organization work with partners, communities, or authorities to ensure policies and legal frameworks better protect and enable self-love for everyone? (policies and legal frameworks)
Review:
- Are resources available and/or used to work on self-love? (resources)
- Do you already collect data on participants’ self-esteem or feelings of self-worth? What does this data tell you about the communities that you work with and/or the impact of your programme? (individual awareness and social norms)
ACTIVITIES
Activity 3.1 Yesterday, today, tomorrow…
Activity 3.1 Yesterday, today, tomorrow…
This activity will help organizations and practitioners explore the impact of a programme or service on participants. It asks participants to reflect on what their lives were like before, during and after a programme. They are invited to write or draw their responses, which they can share privately and anonymously with the group. This activity would not work well for participants who are uncomfortable writing and/or drawing.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow … can be a good final activity in a focus group, as it can help consolidate discussions about personal change that have already taken place. See Fig. 2 for an example of the hand-out used for this activity in Brazil to explore the impact of the Ana Autoestima programme.
- Give each participant a handout and ask them to think about the following.
- Was self-love part of your life before taking part in this programme? What are some examples of how you loved yourself? Did you ever think about self-love before? If so, what did you think?
- How is self-love present in your daily life while you are part of this programme?
- How will you try to incorporate self-love in your future life? In the next week? Month? Year? Can you imagine something you might do for yourself in the future to show self-love? Describe this.
- Give participants 10–15 minutes to reflect and put their ideas on paper. It can be in words, drawings or a combination of both. Remind participants that there are no right or wrong answers.
- At the end, invite participants to share and/or read out their responses if they feel comfortable. Otherwise, participants can hand in what they’ve written or drawn anonymously, ensuring they do not write their names on it. You should provide an opaque box, bag or other receptacle and ask them to place their answers in it.
- Use participants’ stories to share and discuss the impact the programme has had on their everyday lives and imagined futures.
Activity 3.2 Super selfie
Activity 3.2 Super selfie
- Ask participants to draw a selfie of themselves as a superhero – as their best selves (in real life, or imagined).
- Ask them: if you had all the time, resources and support in the world …
- What would your ‘super qualities’ be?
- What would a typical day in your life look like? What would you do? Where would you go?
- What are your particular talents and skills?
- How might your role in your relationships or families change (if at all)?
- What would stay the same? What choices would you make?
- Invite participants to share and discuss their drawing with the group if they feel comfortable.
- Prompt group discussion by asking:
- Has [the programme/service] helped you to progress towards your ‘best self/super selfie? If so, how? If not, why not?
- What else could [the programme/service] do?
INDICATOR OF SUCCESS
Input indicators
Data collection on participants’ self-esteem or feelings of self-worth (e.g. number of indicators on these topics or frequency of data collection).
Number of policies, initiatives or activities for staff and volunteers which encourage them to prioritize self-understanding and self-care (e.g. days off, flexible schedules, stress relief activities or opportunities, “open-door” policies which encourage staff/volunteers to discuss their self-care needs with managers, accompanied by confidentiality guarantees).
Number of activities or programme/project components aimed at encouraging service users or participants to prioritize self-understanding and self-care.
Number of guides and toolkits that include exercises and information on how to increase and practise self-love.
Number of safe spaces provided for young people and LGBTQI+ groups to discuss and reflect on self-love.
Outcome indicators
Number or percentage of participants that express feelings of confidence, joy and pride in their sexual identities and experiences. This may be during discussions or group activities or in programme evaluations.
Number or per cent of participants who report a positive change in their self-image or body image.
Number or per cent of youth who actively share or promote messages about self-love withing their social networks.
Number or per cent of participants who indicate that they have fewer feelings of negative self-criticism than before the programme.
“After a long time, finally, I managed to know myself, to know my body, to know myself as a woman. Why? Because now I take a lot of time to think about myself, my desires, and what I want for myself.”
-Flor, Brazil
“I have the freedom of my choices. Regardless of what people will think … So I choose, because I want to make the path I want for myself.”
-Raio de Luz, Brazil
“Today, I have more freedom to understand myself and to know what I want, what I can do, and how far I want to go.”
-Raio de Luz, Brazil
“… these trainings enable me to live comfortably. I don’t have to think about how I’m going to relate to people or how people will see me or what they will think of me.”
-Vex, Tanzania – Y&A, LGBTQI+
“If someone wants to offer you a job, they tell you, ‘If you want to work for me, you have to sleep with me’ … I had no education on how to take care of myself … I just accepted as long as I got a job, got… money … But since I joined this YAI programme, we’ve been taught how to value ourselves ….”
-Aysha, Tanzania – Y&A, YAI
Immerse youself in the other Domains
