Sexy Tips

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positive news Whoop Whoop

The most recent edition of Positive News features [ drum roll]  The Plesure Project and our forward thinking approach to Sex. In their article ‘It’s my pleasure’ they headline us and how we are pleasuring up the sex education world.

Also, they interviewed a porn star with a safe sex message, to campaigners in countries where sex is strictly taboo, and the Positive News editor Lucy Purdy asks the ‘pleasure pioneers’ why it’s time for change.

The article kicks off with our pleasure activism ‘ How can we sell everything for toothpaste to cars with sex, and yet we sell sex with fear’ and then goes on to detail how and who is promoting positive sexuality and sexual health; including Love Matters a fabulous sexy sex education website, Anton Castellanos a public health activist in Mexico and Jason Domino a porn actor and safer sex activist.

We love it.positive news 2

We as are usual being evangelical about being realistic about our sex lives, really talking and on top of that highlighting evidence that women who feel good about sex and their sexuality are more likely to be able to consent and consent to safer sex. Its a no brainer, really.

Lastly, pleasure lovers, one of  our favourite quotes.

positibe news 3

Just saying.


Thanks Positive News. Onward and Upward.

Dear Pleasure Seekers, here is our round up of in 2011. Let us know if we missed anything…Happy New Year, The Pleasure Project xx

January – Sexy Texts

So we started off bright and breezy in the new and interviewed many authors at Jaipur Literature festival on why there is just not enough good safe sex in the texts and how to write “that condom” moment.  We loved what Candice Bushnall, Jerry Pinto and Abha Dawesar had to say.

And how we also thought about how we need to get more good safe sex into Indian Pulp Fiction.

February – Crown Jewel Condoms

We were most pleased that sexuality and pleasure got a mention at an important UK Department for International Development event when Professor Lawrence Haddad, from IDS, spoke about our work and the need to include and address romance to deliver better sexual health programmes.

We finished off the month getting outraged because we loved the launch of “Crown Jewel Condoms” with the strap line “Truly a King amongst Condoms” in time for the UK Royal Wedding. But excitement turned to outrage when we realised that they did not actually work. I suppose we are meant to just put them on our mantelpiece and admire them?

March – Can Public Health learn from Porn?

The fabulous Tehelka magazine quoted us in March, right chuffed we were, because we told them that the Pill needs to ne sexed up and the health world needs to learn more from the Porn world.

Alongside having that rant we also had a go on the UK Guardian website about how pleasure and development should not be strangers.We said that development professionals needed to look beyond all the negative consequences of poverty or poor people as always victims; to see a possible positive vision of good sex, as empowering, raising of self esteem and joyful.

April – A festival on the art of lust

April was our art ‘n’ crafts month. We went to an exhibition that showed us what orgasms looked like and we featured in an Indian Express article about using the arts to promote good safe sex.

And we got lucky. Really lucky. Traveled to Sydney to learn all at the festival for the art of lust t. It was certainly mind-blowing and the bits that we could comfortable blog about, we did; ethical sluthood, naked yoga, play fighting and a novice orgy workshop.  We were exploring lusty safe sex on the frontline of lust; and it wasn’t like the usual sexual health conferences we attend. Oh no sir ree.

May – We came, we read we shared our pleasure

We were full of the joys of spring celebrating national wanking month and whilst we were at it (conveniently) also learnt LOTS more about what Delhiites fantasise about.

We organised a “Share your Pleasure” fantasy evening in the wonderful many many cold fantasies including;   cool garden sprinklers, cold showers, BDSM in a chillyJacuzzi but there were also a few tasty surprises (Cheeki Dilli, Cheeki Dilli).

Delhiites also fantasised about “men in top hats, making names in jam on bellies and clits, the falling petals of the jacaranda tree”  and last and not least (surprise surprise) some mutual self arousal in a dark small bookstore in Haus Kaus village !

Hurrah for sharing our fantasies and expanding the global fantasy bank for us all to enjoy. Let more hot Delhi fantasies rain on us cooly this summer.

June – diging deeper into delhi’s fantasies

We got a little deeper into the fantasies of Haus Kaus Village in steamy June. We collected 150 fantasies during the Haus Kaus Village event, and man, were they hot.  We thought the Delhi heat might knock back the collective libido a little; but we were wrong.

Oh Delhi, you are a sexy, kinki, imaginative bunch. We ranked your fantasies according to popularity and there are a few surprises I can tell you. Read them here. Our personal favorite (today) is the “salt touched breast” of the mermaid lover and whose tail you would “love every fishy scale”.

We were also quite chuffed to get our sexy article published in a quite serious posh journal. Read about how we think there should be more pillow talk between academics and porn film makers here.

July- orgasm prizes, play doh porn and ethical condoms

In July our wonderful pleasure propagandist Arushi braved the weather of Glasgow to report back from the frontline of the World Sexual Health Congress and did she find out stuff.

Wowzer.  Did we learn. We learnt that orgasms should be part of the journey not the station we get off at (well we kind of knew that already) , we heard about soggy saos, play doh porn and if we are the high desire or low desire partners in our bedrooms.

We also loved the new ethical condoms and decided to wrap with care and save the polar bear…

August – desperately seeking pleasure in Korea

Another brave pleasure propagandist ventured forth to report back from the AIDS conference in Busan, Korea. Revati found little pleasure we are sad to report. Although she reported later on a couple of brave souls who mentioned the need to recognise pleasure in sex in HIV prevention.

But we consoled ourselves by discovering that men who wank more also use condoms more. Another plus point for the boy wankers then.

September – Condom use still a distant dream in porn

On we got on our old hobby horse again this month, safer sex in porn….but then got onto that tricky ride bareback sex.

How to replace the intimacy of it with something that feels equally as exciting and as intimate. And we loved the creative ideas you pleasure propagandists had. Keep them coming.

October – demos in London (sexy female condom ones)

On a quick trip to London we loved talking at the offices, in the very funky Shoreditch, of Plan International and Interact Worldwide, two international NGOs. We loved them and they kind of liked the pleasure approach and want to include it in their work internationally.  Sadly, but coincidently, that week a big news story in the UK was how dissatisfied young people were with the sex education they get.

November – Coffee flavoured condoms

On my goodness in November we got really busy, we rocked for the Right to Romance whomsoever we wanted whilst also reminding those who attended this brilliant concert that followed Queer Pride that playing with themselves was their right.

But we also popped over to Ethiopia and savoured the delights of condom flavoured condoms.

December – ranting again about group lust fests

We finished the year by having a good old rant in Man’s World Magazine about group lust fests, porn and pleasure.  The usual stuff.

We finished the year with a tirade about women loving sex.

So there.

Happy New Year to all your pleasure seekers out there.

Keep safe and see you in 2012.



This is our third and final post from Arushi at the World Sexual Health Congress in Glasgow, where she also explored the wonderful world of the orgasm.

Score one for pleasure

Orgasm – the word itself is orgasmic. It begins with making your mouth open into the O of wonder, astonishment and exciting shock and ends with your mouth closed in an mmmm of pleasure, contentment and satisfaction. Right? Hmm, not necessarily actually!

I learnt about the tome which is used by psychologists, psychiatrists, sex and relationship therapists, sexologists and other health professionals to help their diagnoses and treatments. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has been revised several times, including the time when homosexuality was struck off it as a mental disorder.

According to the DSM, most sexual dysfunctions are defined as either not having an orgasm during sex or having one too quickly. So does that mean that orgasm is or should be the main outcome of sexual intercourse  and  sexual activity? No, says  Dr Meg Barker. Orgasms mean different things to different people and constitute different experiences, from an expression of power to a mechanical release or a display of intimacy.

This is why, she says that sex and relationship therapy aimed at enabling orgasms and being goal focused rather than pleasure focused is forcing norms on people that just don’t fit.

Sexual satisfaction shouldn’t just be about having an orgasm.

Guess who agrees with her? Dr. Beverly Whipple – yup, the one who told us all about the G-spot! She emphasised the need to be pleasure oriented rather than orgasm oriented. An orgasm is not an end in itself and all the other activities, commonly considered to ‘lead up’ to the orgasm, like kissing, holding, touching, are each an end in themselves. Also, the idea really is to experience an orgasm, rather than be under pressure to ‘reach’ or ‘achieve’ an orgasm. In her words, “a person can express their sexuality in many ways, not only through their genitals.”

That’s what we at The Pleasure Project believe as well – there are sooooo many sexy and safe ways of pleasuring yourself or each other that you could spend a month of O’s and mmmm’s just going through our list on sexy tips !

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May is national masturbation month – a celebration of the joys of self lovin’.

We hope you have been taking this seriously.

Because wanking is not second best or even a last resort.It’s the real deal. And after all, if you don’t know what you like,  how are you going to be able to tell your partners what you like ?

If you have been a good activist wanker – please pat yourself again in celebration.

If you have not been wanking this month.  Shame on you.  But there is still time to spank the monkey before the month ends and feel like a good safe sex activist…..on your own masturbate – a – thon today.

And we wanted to list a few benefits of playing with yourself to start you off.

– orgasms make you live longer, a study found that there was a 50% reduction in death rates in man who orgasmed frequently

– wanking reduces your risk of prostrate cancer ( this only applies for boys ;-)

– wanking reduces infections of the cervix (this only applies for girls ;-)

– wanking increases fertility

– wanking can improve self esteem and reduce depression

– The five knuckle shuffle is not a new thing but an integral part of the human condition. There are depictions of  women enjoying some self love from as far back at 4th C BC in cave drawings.

And  studies show that 95% of men and 71% of women have masturbated during their lives..

So please take your pleasure  into your own hands as national masturbation months draws to a close – and enjoy some good completely safe sex today.


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VA WOW CondomMaybe you’ve heard about the legendary “C-V Distance”? No, this has nothing to do with your resume, your level of physical fitness, or probability and statistics. This time it’s the distance between a woman’s clitoris and her vagina.

Back in February, Kim Wallen, a professor at Emory University, reanalyzed measurement data of women and discovered a correlation between distance and ability to orgasm during penile-vaginal intercourse.

[T]here’s even an easy “rule of thumb,” Wallen says: Clitoris-vagina distances less than 2.5 cm — that’s roughly from the tip of your thumb to your first knuckle — tend to yield reliable orgasms during sex. More than a thumb’s length? Regular intercourse alone typically might not do the trick.

This may be statistically true, but I would posit that this isn’t the end of the story. Read the rest of this entry »

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photo by Sk slezska (wikicommons)

photo by Sk slezska (wikicommons)

The Human Condition, a blog by Kate Dailey, recently posted about five condom design innovations particularly suited to making sex more pleasurable. Some – like the wider head on the condoms – have been around in Europe for some time, but are just becoming popular in America. Others are examples of condom manufacturers picking up on tricks that we’ve been using to make sex more slippery-slidey and sensational for years!

It also includes some nice tips:

Not all women report a difference in sensation based on the ribbing, so personal preference applies. (However, almost everyone we spoke to recommended a vibrating ring to be worn over the condom, which the large majority of women will most assuredly feel.)

Do you know about other innovations in safer sex technology? Leave us a comment and we’ll check it out!

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