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The 10th  International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific has just finished in Busan, Korea. On behalf of The Pleasure Project, our brave reporter Revati  hunted out mentioned of good safe sex or any mention of pleasure in sex education at the conference.

Revati is an old time pleasure propagandist who has written sexy tips and  run pleasure workshops.  So she is well equip to seek erotic safe sex in Busan.

Here is her third and final  post. She found someone talking about sexual pleasure as a motivation for sex.

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I’ve been at the Asia Pacific AIDS conference for a week and so far, in all the sessions I have attended, only one person has spoken about pleasure and the need to recognise pleasure as a key motivator for safe or unsafe sex and that was a question from the audience.

But hurrah. At last I found someone who confronted the elephant in the room. Dr Malonzo, from Brokenshire College in The Phillipines, please step forward and take a bow.

Dr Malonzo’s study looks at why men having sex with men choose not to us condoms, or have “intentionally condom-less sex” aka “bare-backing”. bare- backing was initially a description used in the 1990′s  by HIV positive men who declared their intention to have sex with other HIV positive men without condoms. It has now become the term used to describe condom less sex in a more generic view, regardless of HIV status. So for example, there are pornography studios who specialise in bare back films, sex workers or dating sites who use the term.  Dr Malonzo studies the current phenomenon in Davao City in The Philippines in interviews with 40 young gay men.

Many of them felt that bareback sex feels good, is their own choice and demonstrates intimacy in their relationships.

Although knowledge was not always great, quite a number of the men thought that HIV could be transmitted in the hot tub or swimming pool. But all the participants knew that condom-less anal sex carried considerable risk.

The study recommends that there should be more focus on testing and signs of HIV infection and “ Focus on the men’s desire for intimacy, closeness, and pleasure needs”

So people we need to think harder about how we can replace bare-backing with other ways of getting intimacy or feeling intimate. Unfortunately condom-less sex has become a sign of  trust, a deeper relationship or commitment.

So pleasure seekers, what could be the replacement ?


 

 

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The 10th  International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific has just finished in Busan, Korea. On behalf of The Pleasure Project, our brave reporter Revati  hunted out mentioned of good safe sex or any mention of pleasure in sex education at the conference.

Revati is an old time pleasure propagandist who has written sexy tips, run pleasure workshops at the Colombo AIDS Conference where she diplomatically pointed out that maybe a woman’s head could be part of a pleasure body mapping. So she is well equip to seek erotic safe sex in Busan.

Here is her second  post.

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I just came out of a satellite session on Sexual and Reproductive Health and HIV integration called   “Is SRH/HIV Integration serving the needs of key populations?”

There were four presenters, and two discussants. the presenters covered service provision to men who have sex with men and trans gender groups, and one was on sex workers.

One presenter – Sunita Grote from the AIDS Alliance, spoke about the need to reach young people who are affected by AIDS.  At the end of the presentation, two people were given time to speak and one of them was Milinda – from Youth LEAD. His posed a brave question asking about

Why the available services are not being youth friendly and that messages around pleasure are missing in the discourse around sex when talking to young people ?”

(three cheers for Milinda, The Pleasure Project).

The moderator of the session agreed and in his concluding remarks he said that one of the key issues from this session was the need to provide youth friendly sexual health  services including HIV services that do not forgetting that people have sex for pleasure and that sex with only an association with disease needs to stop being the focus.

For the first time in any of the sessions I attended, I heard the words sex for pleasure being mentioned.

I shall keep on hunting…

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The 10th  International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific is happening right now in Busan, Korea. On behalf of The Pleasure Project, our brave reporter Revati  is on the hunt for good safe sex or any mention of pleasure in sex education at the conference.

Revati is an old time pleasure propagandist who has written sexy tips, run pleasure workshops at the Colombo AIDS Conference where she diplomatically pointed out that maybe a woman’s head could be part of a pleasure body mapping. So she is well equip to seek erotic safe sex in Busan.

Here is her first post.

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The focus of the conference over the first two days has been on the protests around free trade agreements. A peaceful protest turned bad when the BEXCO (venue) security tried to disrupt the protest and when they couldn’t do it alone, they called the local police as back up. A few people were injured and two were taken to hospital. The conference organisers  issued an official  statement and apology for what happened yesterday  but attendees are worried about – what will happen to the local LGBT groups after the conference. In the aftermath it seems like the Korean LGBT groups were organising the protest and were of the impression that the conference itself was organised by some arm of the government.
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So this has been the main conversation at the conference. Discussions of  pleasure are non existent. However in one plenary, YouthLead, promisingly  spoke about how to develop a new generation of young activists.  But pleasure got lost in  language on comprehensive sex education : which could and should also mean pleasure.
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But I’m looking forward to two sessions that look more  “out of the box”. One called  “Simple pleasures: getting on with it again (living longer with HIV)”  and one about HIV alternatives.  Maybe they will tackle the importance of talking about pleasure and desire and sex. Which are still the stigmatised topics at an AIDS conference.
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There are condoms being distributed – both male and female but no lubes to be seen anywhere. When asked, where are the lubes, everyone nodded in agreement saying yes its needed but they couldn’t get any!
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So I’ll keep on hunting for any pleasure and safer sex discussions and let you know…

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This is our third and final post from Arushi at the World Sexual Health Congress in Glasgow, where she also explored the wonderful world of the orgasm.

Score one for pleasure

Orgasm – the word itself is orgasmic. It begins with making your mouth open into the O of wonder, astonishment and exciting shock and ends with your mouth closed in an mmmm of pleasure, contentment and satisfaction. Right? Hmm, not necessarily actually!

I learnt about the tome which is used by psychologists, psychiatrists, sex and relationship therapists, sexologists and other health professionals to help their diagnoses and treatments. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has been revised several times, including the time when homosexuality was struck off it as a mental disorder.

According to the DSM, most sexual dysfunctions are defined as either not having an orgasm during sex or having one too quickly. So does that mean that orgasm is or should be the main outcome of sexual intercourse  and  sexual activity? No, says  Dr Meg Barker. Orgasms mean different things to different people and constitute different experiences, from an expression of power to a mechanical release or a display of intimacy.

This is why, she says that sex and relationship therapy aimed at enabling orgasms and being goal focused rather than pleasure focused is forcing norms on people that just don’t fit.

Sexual satisfaction shouldn’t just be about having an orgasm.

Guess who agrees with her? Dr. Beverly Whipple – yup, the one who told us all about the G-spot! She emphasised the need to be pleasure oriented rather than orgasm oriented. An orgasm is not an end in itself and all the other activities, commonly considered to ‘lead up’ to the orgasm, like kissing, holding, touching, are each an end in themselves. Also, the idea really is to experience an orgasm, rather than be under pressure to ‘reach’ or ‘achieve’ an orgasm. In her words, “a person can express their sexuality in many ways, not only through their genitals.”

That’s what we at The Pleasure Project believe as well – there are sooooo many sexy and safe ways of pleasuring yourself or each other that you could spend a month of O’s and mmmm’s just going through our list on sexy tips !


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Here is the next report from our intrepid Pleasure Propogandist, Arushi, who is reporting back from the World Sexual Health Congress in Scotland. This time she is getting right down to brass tacks and finding out how to ignite the fire of pleasure in longer term relationships…

Good Safe Sex:  reducing the worry in the playful and exploratory erotic

Are you the LDP or the HDP in your relationship? No, these are not medical or psycho-analytical terms from the Sexual Health Congress. LDP is low desire partner and HDP is high desire partner. This, according to marital and sex therapist, Dr David Schnarch , is the inevitable between every couple.

And in societies where consent is considered important, the LDP controls the amount of sex happening in the relationship, whether or not they are aware of it.

Also, sex is all about leftovers (Dr. Schnarch’s words, not mine!). What do you mean, you ask, as you squint your eyes in indignation, thinking back to your hot and steamy capers. Well, a couple engages in those sexual practices that both are comfortable with. Meaning if one likes anal sex and the other doesn’t, they are most likely not going to have anal. So it’s all about what is ‘leftover’.

A slightly different take on erotic desire among long-term couples is that of Ms Esther Perel, another marriage and family therapist, who talks about reconciling the erotic and the domestic. Did you ever come across the couple who says, “We love each other very much but it’s been a long time since we had sex”?

The spark of the erotic needs air to ignite – just the way a couple needs space. The erotic and desire is playful, alive, experimental and all about exploration, says Ms. Perel. She also says that there is no ‘care-taking or worry’ involved in desire. Seems to me, she’s saying that including a sexy toy like a condom in those ‘leftover’ acts of yours removes worries around unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections and increases the amount of desire.

So you need to start giving each other that space and letting go of the anxieties. Doesn’t matter if you’re LDP or HDP as long as you can get the spark to ignite! After all, the more playful and exploratory you get with each other’s bodies, the longer that list of ‘leftovers’ might get.

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Next up Arushi reports back on the big O, watch this space

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